Tell Me Your Story

A man and a woman sat in the row in front of me on the plane home. For the next hour I picked up on snippets of their conversation. They bonded at first when they discovered they had both gone skydiving. They shared their experiences as though no one else but the other that had gone through that experience, could possibly understand. The conversation continued and with each story they got deeper and deeper into their connection. The man shared how his daughter had Bi-Polar disorder and refused to get the help she needed. He talked of the pain and fears that come with an adult child struggling through mental illness. The woman shared how she survived on $1,000 a month but how she was happy. She was single, hated children and understood what it was like to struggle with mental illness. They both had a drink, toasted to the skies, got off the plane and stood at the baggage claim on opposite ends, never acknowledging each other again. 

Even amongst strangers we want to be known. And in the sharing of the story, you never know how it will change the other person. But what I find most important is how when you share your story, it changes you. You get a new perspective. You create the language associated with the story. You can be the victim or the survivor. You might be successful or lucky. You get to choose how the story is told. You get to decide if it is told with compassion.

Often at the second session in therapy I will ask a client how they felt after their first session. Responses I hear generally are summed up with "it felt good to share." "It was nice to get it off my chest." It is as if in the telling of the story, there is an exchange of energy where the storyteller because lighter and more free. What a gift to be able to tell your story. Some have no one to listen. Or those that have a listener can feel judged.

Therapy is that space of genuine transformation. You tell, I listen and as the story is told, your life changes. It may be slow at first but months down the road, you don't recognize the old perspectives and language you once used. I would love to hear your story. 

What are your strengths?

It's a question I ask a lot of my clients at some point in our relationship. And, I usually get a blank stare...ok...I get it. No one ever asks you to talk about what is amazing about YOU, but here I am, asking. Why? Well they are important. Just as you feel it is important to talk about what isn't working, it is important to talk about what is. 

I had the experience recently where I was asked to list my strengths. Yeah, not so easy for me either. I am getting better but still, it takes me a moment. I was encouraged to ask people I know. Really? Seriously? I am just going to call my friends and say "Hey, can you tell me my top 3 strengths?" No, I don't think so. Instead I went to suverymonkey.com and sent out a survey to 25 people. I asked them to give me my top 3 strengths. There responses were anonymous. It was FASCINATING! And for me it was consistent. 

But can I tell you what a thrill it is to get 25 messages about what people value in YOU?! It is a huge mood lifter and it brings great insight. Whenever I am down I can go back to that list and remind myself of the positives. When I am stuck I have a go to for strengths and finding how to get unstuck. So, I want to encourage you, ask people...maybe more bodly than I did, but nonetheless, get a little uncomfortable and bathe yourself in positivity. It will do wonders for your spirit and it will encourage you to keep moving forward in your life. 

Please share your strengths below. I want to know what makes you awesome!

Fill your life with compassion,

Kelly

PS Mine were leadership, compassion and humor :)

Why I Love This Job

Sometimes I want to shout from the mountain tops "I am so lucky!" My job is so rewarding in many ways. But I know it isn't really luck. It was about understanding my options and making decisions that aligned with my beliefs. I do believe that we are to leave the world better than how we found it. That is my purpose. Out of that I make decisions that reflect that belief. For me that means recycling, cloth diapering, walking when I can instead of driving, raising my daughter with kindness and compassion, volunteering and other things that I hope leave some impact, even if it is small. 

And here I sit, several days a week, listening to people's stories. Helping them sort through the mess and make sense of things. Rediscovering purpose and meaning. Interjecting hope and hopefully a bit of humor. And all the while, I am transformed. You cannot listen to someone's story and not have it touch you, at least not in this line of work. Each day people are vulnerable with me and I am moved, I am humbled, and I am honored that they share. 

Do you want that kind of world? A place where you are given full attention and care, a place where your truth is all that matters and is all that is spoken. I have a few spots left in my practice and I would welcome you to call. Find out how relieving it can be to not have to go through the mess alone. 

May this week be full of wonder. May you recognize your greatness. May you see the potential for love and connection. And may you truly be known by those around you.

New E Book

Over the next few months, you may notice some changes with my website. I just finished writing my first e-book. Do you have a lot of self criticism? Often we hold our selves back from really living life to its fullest. This e-book talks about 3 simple practices to help you practice more self-compassion - the antidote to criticism and self-hatred. If it it helpful to you...please let me know! If you would like more information about how self-compassion can help you, contact me for an appointment. 

Stop Smoking for Good - Guest Post

I recently met Stacey Galvin, MFT who specializes in working with introverts, people with anxiety and highly sensitive persons. When you meet Stacey, she has a great sense of calm about her that makes her so easy to talk to. I invited her to share a guest post on my site. If you know of anyone that is struggling with being easily overwhelmed, I highly recommend Stacey. 

Some of us when we are stressed, use smoking, drinking, or food to cope. Stacey gives an excellent review of Prasad's work on stopping smoking for good. Read the full article here.