Grieving and Divorce

Grief. Death.Divorce. Divorce is a death and if you have kids, it can feel like an aging parent with impending death that never fully happens. Let's just look at some of the things that change when you get divorced that you may notice in the first few moments of waking up:

  • Your sleep - it changes when it doesn't happen along someone else
  • Your bed - you are alone in it now
  • The morning routine - no more sharing the sinks, waiting for someone to get out of the shower or bathroom, or someone to be your second alarm
  • Noise level - if you are by yourself, it is just quieter
  • Your closet - just your stuff
  • Your emotions - maybe you no longer have anxiety about dealing with your partner because they are gone, maybe you now feel more sad, or pick any other emotion that was unexpected because it is going to happen at some point

Ok, that was just the first minutes of your multiply that times a billion and that is what divorce can feel like on any given day. It rocks your world. Even if it was the best decision you could have made, there is still loss and like any loss, we must grieve. Grief is cyclical and fluid. Just when you think you are "over it" or some aspect of the loss, it can come back up to say "I am still sad, help!" With every change, milestone, or new memory there can be a lingering sense of how divorce has changed your life. 

The thing to remember is to not fight the grief. Don't stuff it, minimize it, ignore it or berate it. The more you accept it, the less powerful it will be. The more you rush into feeling what you feel, the more likely the grief will let go of its grasp on your heart. It is there, just wanting some comfort and acknowledgment. Allow yourself to feel and you might find that your emotions weren't so scary after all. 

One last thing....if you are going through grieving a is important to have a guide or support network. There is counseling, but there is also support groups, activity groups, and other resources out there. If you would like to know more, please call me at 949-682-6417 or contact me here.