Mindfulness in the Midst of Pain

Pain is something we avoid. Of course we do! Who wants to feel pain? But in the avoidance of pain, emotions amplify and can consume us. Whether your pain is physical or emotional, even spiritual (yes, some of us struggle with that), denying it, fighting it or avoiding it actually worsens it. That is where mindfulness comes in. 

Sure it is lovely to meditate on lovely things, but when you meditate on your pain, you can truly begin to understand that it doesn't have to have a hold on you. Being aware of your emotions, accepting them and living through them allows us to feel free in the midst of our pain. 

Try it. If you have a pain, focus on it in your meditation. Notice how it changes...always changes...never the same. Notice its quality and observe every detail of it. In doing so, often the pain lessens or no longer seems so scary. Mindfulness will give you a chance to keep you head above water when you feel like you are drowning. Need help with this? Give me a call :) Would love to help you find a peace in your life, that can pass any understanding.

Positive Thinking

Take a moment every day and fill it with a positive affirmation or thought. Simple. It will change your life. It will change your brain. Positivity releases dopamine - oh and that stuff feels good to the brain - forms new connections amongst neurons - and that is how you change your world. 

When we see the bad stuff in our partner, we look for more bad stuff. If we start noticing the good, well while the bad is still there, it doesn't hold us hostage or keep us from connecting. When we have a believe about ourselves, "I am not good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, rich enough...." it colors our entire perception. Reality can never be known. Or, reality can only be defined by your perception. So if you believe that you are worthless, you will seek to confirm that is true.

This is AWESOME news. It means you have power - power to change your whole world, build new relationships, start a new business, turn your financial situation around or just find some inner peace amongst the chatter in your head. So, do it right now. See something positive. Set the intention every day to do this, and slowly you will pull your brain out of the fog and into some light. You will be better for it. 

Couples Communication

You and your partner have a pattern or a rhythm that is unique to you. Both of you bring the lens of your story -what you were taught about expression of emotions, what it means to love, and overall how to be in relationship. And with that lens you color your perception of others. Add to that lens the challenge of being vulnerable and you have created your relationship style.
Part of counseling is to understand your pattern, keep what works for you and change what doesn't. Sounds easy right?
But when you try to change something it can be frustrating. How can you cope with the transition of bettering your relationship?
-practice compassion for yourself and your partner. Let go of expectation and be open to possibilities
-reflect what your hear from your partner
-imagine what it is like for your partner. This can develop empathy.
When you are willing to work together, in spite of the pain, you might be surprised at how not only you transform but how you as a couple will grow and change to develop a new unique way of being together.

Abuse

Abuse comes in all forms - emotional, physical, sexual - and not one form is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse and it happens to many many people. Take a listen 

What if....

What if tomorrow things fell apart? What if, you didn't get what you wanted in life? What if you tried something to only find out that it wasn't the right thing for you?

What is your "what if?"  

I hear it, I say it and it is one of the most common phrases to man kind. It is the language of self defeat. It speaks to fear. It creates barriers. Yet we cling to it so tightly. We want nothing more than to know that whatever we decide that it will "work," be a "success" or the "right thing." What does all of that mean anyhow? 

Sure, I had a few boyfriends in my lifetime. Were they complete failures? If I hadn't dated them, then I probably would not have found my now husband. Does that mean those past relationships were successes or lost causes? No! They were all part of the journey and part of my story. 

When you are struggling with a decision, look at the "what ifs" that are getting in the way. Ask yourself, does it really help you. "What ifs" can open you up to possibilities and opportunity, but often we use it to create fear and indecision. Therapy can help you eradicate the fear and squash the "what ifs". As we dissect the "what if" we see what it really means... "I am scared", "I don't have a voice in what I want" or "I am angry." Once you start understanding the barriers they lose their power and free you up to other possibilities. 

Life is full of opportunity. Don't let the "what if" stop you from discovering your potential.