Kelly Higdon, MFT Counseling to Transform your LifeBloghttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013-05-13T14:39:07ZSquarespaceWhat are your strengths?http://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/5/2/what-are-your-strengths.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-05-03T00:22:26Z2013-05-03T00:22:26ZIt's a question I ask a lot of my clients at some point in our relationship. And, I usually get a blank stare...ok...I get it. No one ever asks you to talk about what is amazing about YOU, but here I am, asking. Why? Well they are important. Just as you feel it is important to talk about what isn't working, it is important to talk about what is. 

I had the experience recently where I was asked to list my strengths. Yeah, not so easy for me either. I am getting better but still, it takes me a moment. I was encouraged to ask people I know. Really? Seriously? I am just going to call my friends and say "Hey, can you tell me my top 3 strengths?" No, I don't think so. Instead I went to suverymonkey.com and sent out a survey to 25 people. I asked them to give me my top 3 strengths. There responses were anonymous. It was FASCINATING! And for me it was consistent. 

But can I tell you what a thrill it is to get 25 messages about what people value in YOU?! It is a huge mood lifter and it brings great insight. Whenever I am down I can go back to that list and remind myself of the positives. When I am stuck I have a go to for strengths and finding how to get unstuck. So, I want to encourage you, ask people...maybe more bodly than I did, but nonetheless, get a little uncomfortable and bathe yourself in positivity. It will do wonders for your spirit and it will encourage you to keep moving forward in your life. 

Please share your strengths below. I want to know what makes you awesome!

Fill your life with compassion,

Kelly

PS Mine were leadership, compassion and humor :)

]]>Why I Love This Jobhttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/4/21/why-i-love-this-job.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-04-22T03:39:57Z2013-04-22T03:39:57ZSometimes I want to shout from the mountain tops "I am so lucky!" My job is so rewarding in many ways. But I know it isn't really luck. It was about understanding my options and making decisions that aligned with my beliefs. I do believe that we are to leave the world better than how we found it. That is my purpose. Out of that I make decisions that reflect that belief. For me that means recycling, cloth diapering, walking when I can instead of driving, raising my daughter with kindness and compassion, volunteering and other things that I hope leave some impact, even if it is small. 

And here I sit, several days a week, listening to people's stories. Helping them sort through the mess and make sense of things. Rediscovering purpose and meaning. Interjecting hope and hopefully a bit of humor. And all the while, I am transformed. You cannot listen to someone's story and not have it touch you, at least not in this line of work. Each day people are vulnerable with me and I am moved, I am humbled, and I am honored that they share. 

Do you want that kind of world? A place where you are given full attention and care, a place where your truth is all that matters and is all that is spoken. I have a few spots left in my practice and I would welcome you to call. Find out how relieving it can be to not have to go through the mess alone. 

May this week be full of wonder. May you recognize your greatness. May you see the potential for love and connection. And may you truly be known by those around you.

]]>New E Bookhttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/4/17/new-e-book.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-04-17T15:35:14Z2013-04-17T15:35:14ZOver the next few months, you may notice some changes with my website. I just finished writing my first e-book. Do you have a lot of self criticism? Often we hold our selves back from really living life to its fullest. This e-book talks about 3 simple practices to help you practice more self-compassion - the antidote to criticism and self-hatred. If it it helpful to you...please let me know! If you would like more information about how self-compassion can help you, contact me for an appointment. 

]]>Stop Smoking for Good - Guest Posthttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/3/14/stop-smoking-for-good-guest-post.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-03-14T15:38:02Z2013-03-14T15:38:02ZI recently met Stacey Galvin, MFT who specializes in working with introverts, people with anxiety and highly sensitive persons. When you meet Stacey, she has a great sense of calm about her that makes her so easy to talk to. I invited her to share a guest post on my site. If you know of anyone that is struggling with being easily overwhelmed, I highly recommend Stacey. 

Some of us when we are stressed, use smoking, drinking, or food to cope. Stacey gives an excellent review of Prasad's work on stopping smoking for good. Read the full article here. 

]]>The Power of Storyhttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/2/27/the-power-of-story.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-02-28T01:02:51Z2013-02-28T01:02:51ZMy tagline is no accident. Tell your story, transform your life. We all have a story. But we also get to decide how that story is presented. One might say they were abused, as though it were a character trait or had inherent qualities and others might say they survived abuse, externalizing an event. 

I have always been a fan of spoken word. A friend of mine posted this on facebook and I had to share. Had to. Stories have power. The can move people to action, change our minds, and transform our hearts. I would love to know what you think of this story. I have a feeling we all can relate a little. At the end, ask yourself, what is your part in this story....what does it move you to do or become?

]]>Mindfulness in the Midst of Painhttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/2/22/mindfulness-in-the-midst-of-pain.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-02-22T16:55:20Z2013-02-22T16:55:20ZPain is something we avoid. Of course we do! Who wants to feel pain? But in the avoidance of pain, emotions amplify and can consume us. Whether your pain is physical or emotional, even spiritual (yes, some of us struggle with that), denying it, fighting it or avoiding it actually worsens it. That is where mindfulness comes in. 

Sure it is lovely to meditate on lovely things, but when you meditate on your pain, you can truly begin to understand that it doesn't have to have a hold on you. Being aware of your emotions, accepting them and living through them allows us to feel free in the midst of our pain. 

Try it. If you have a pain, focus on it in your meditation. Notice how it changes...always changes...never the same. Notice its quality and observe every detail of it. In doing so, often the pain lessens or no longer seems so scary. Mindfulness will give you a chance to keep you head above water when you feel like you are drowning. Need help with this? Give me a call :) Would love to help you find a peace in your life, that can pass any understanding.

]]>Positive Thinkinghttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/2/17/positive-thinking.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-02-17T21:55:02Z2013-02-17T21:55:02ZTake a moment every day and fill it with a positive affirmation or thought. Simple. It will change your life. It will change your brain. Positivity releases dopamine - oh and that stuff feels good to the brain - forms new connections amongst neurons - and that is how you change your world. 

When we see the bad stuff in our partner, we look for more bad stuff. If we start noticing the good, well while the bad is still there, it doesn't hold us hostage or keep us from connecting. When we have a believe about ourselves, "I am not good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, rich enough...." it colors our entire perception. Reality can never be known. Or, reality can only be defined by your perception. So if you believe that you are worthless, you will seek to confirm that is true.

This is AWESOME news. It means you have power - power to change your whole world, build new relationships, start a new business, turn your financial situation around or just find some inner peace amongst the chatter in your head. So, do it right now. See something positive. Set the intention every day to do this, and slowly you will pull your brain out of the fog and into some light. You will be better for it. 

]]>Couples Communicationhttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/2/9/couples-communication.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-02-09T16:19:22Z2013-02-09T16:19:22ZYou and your partner have a pattern or a rhythm that is unique to you. Both of you bring the lens of your story -what you were taught about expression of emotions, what it means to love, and overall how to be in relationship. And with that lens you color your perception of others. Add to that lens the challenge of being vulnerable and you have created your relationship style.
Part of counseling is to understand your pattern, keep what works for you and change what doesn't. Sounds easy right?
But when you try to change something it can be frustrating. How can you cope with the transition of bettering your relationship?
-practice compassion for yourself and your partner. Let go of expectation and be open to possibilities
-reflect what your hear from your partner
-imagine what it is like for your partner. This can develop empathy.
When you are willing to work together, in spite of the pain, you might be surprised at how not only you transform but how you as a couple will grow and change to develop a new unique way of being together.

]]>Abusehttp://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/1/25/abuse.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-01-26T00:48:26Z2013-01-26T00:48:26ZAbuse comes in all forms - emotional, physical, sexual - and not one form is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse and it happens to many many people. Take a listen 

 

]]>What if....http://www.counselinglagunahills.com/blog/2013/1/18/what-if.htmlKelly Higdon, MFT2013-01-18T17:39:04Z2013-01-18T17:39:04ZWhat if tomorrow things fell apart? What if, you didn't get what you wanted in life? What if you tried something to only find out that it wasn't the right thing for you?

What is your "what if?"  

I hear it, I say it and it is one of the most common phrases to man kind. It is the language of self defeat. It speaks to fear. It creates barriers. Yet we cling to it so tightly. We want nothing more than to know that whatever we decide that it will "work," be a "success" or the "right thing." What does all of that mean anyhow? 

Sure, I had a few boyfriends in my lifetime. Were they complete failures? If I hadn't dated them, then I probably would not have found my now husband. Does that mean those past relationships were successes or lost causes? No! They were all part of the journey and part of my story. 

When you are struggling with a decision, look at the "what ifs" that are getting in the way. Ask yourself, does it really help you. "What ifs" can open you up to possibilities and opportunity, but often we use it to create fear and indecision. Therapy can help you eradicate the fear and squash the "what ifs". As we dissect the "what if" we see what it really means... "I am scared", "I don't have a voice in what I want" or "I am angry." Once you start understanding the barriers they lose their power and free you up to other possibilities. 

Life is full of opportunity. Don't let the "what if" stop you from discovering your potential.

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