Don't Let Facebook Ruin Your Relationship!

There are many things you can do to enjoy social media without it messing up your relationship - here are just a few of those. Check out this video and learn 3 tips for you and your partner to stay plugged in without disconnecting.

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Hi.  Robyn D'Angelo here, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Specialist.  Today I'm talking about relationships and social media.  More importantly, how to create some boundaries within your relationship so that Facebook especially does not mess up your relationship and the bond between you and your partner.  I'm going to give you three rules.  The first rule is don't over-share on Facebook with your posts.  And that can be good stuff and bad stuff.  It's really important to learn what is your partner's comfort level with how much you share on Facebook.  They may not feel comfortable knowing or having your whole social world--family, friends--know that they made you a nice romantic candlelit dinner last night wearing only an apron.  They also may be really uncomfortable if you're sharing details of a fight you had.  That can feel really vulnerable to your partner.  So, taking time to have a conversation before you're posting things about your partner's comfort level.  And really getting that established so that you're setting those boundaries.  The second rule is do not stay actively in touch with exes.  And I may get some slack for this but sometimes people can definitely keep--maintain healthy relationships with exes but I think it's important to talk to your partner about this.  If you are connected with your ex through Facebook or a number of exes, think about why you are still connected with them.   What is it about the relationship that gets your needs met that maybe your current relationship does not.  And what would happen if your partner was doing the same thing?  Would it upset you?  Again, everyone's answers to this are going to be different, but it's important to start having this conversation with your partner to really get some boundaries established.  The last rule, third and final rule, is avoid at all costs if you can those passive aggressive posts.  So this looks like, say you see your friends have gone out on a romantic date and you end up posting beneath the beautiful picture or whatever the comment is, you know, "Boy, it sure would be nice to have a date night."  Your partner can see that and it can be really hurtful.  It can actually trigger insecurities.  It can drive a wedge between the two of you and the point of being in a relationship is to stay emotionally connected.  Again, what I recommend is talking directly to your partner.  If there's things that you would like to happen more in your relationship, it requires a conversation.  Our partners are not mind readers.  So those are just three things to keep in mind when it comes to social media and setting boundaries.  Which is be careful not to over-share, not staying connected to exes on Facebook, and then avoiding those passive-aggressive posts.  If this has been helpful, great.  I'd love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below or you can email me at  I'd love to hear from you.  Take care.


[Transcribed by NMS, 4/14/15]