Is It Better to be Right or to be Happy?

What's really more important?

In the spirit of the Couples Conflict Summit that's been going on--it started on Sunday--I just want to talk a little bit about conflict and when it shows up in our relationships, you know, what happens to us? 

We all have our own default go-to's.  Some of us shut down.  Some of us get really, really overwhelmed.  We can't talk. We feel like we can't breathe.  We feel like we're pushed into a corner.

Others feel like "Let's just talk this out."  We pursue.  We go after our partner, whether it's verbally or physically and just say "Hey, let's figure this out. I want to solve it right now." 

I want to propose a question to you, for you to think about the next time conflict is coming up within your relationship.  I want you to ask yourself (not your partner--YOURSELF) this question:  Within this conflict, whatever topic it is, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? 

Often times that can dictate how we respond to our partners.  If I want to be right, I might be defensive.  "No, no you need to hear me.  This is where I'm coming from." 

If you want to be happy, things may feel and sound a bit different.  Maybe you take a breath and you take a moment to really listen.  And think to yourself, "I'll share my side of it maybe later.  Right now, I'll just listen." 

It's super hard to do within conflict, but think about that. 

Next time you are fighting with your partner, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  And see how just taking a moment to think about that changes the feeling and the experience of the conflict. 

I hope you guys have all signed up and are attending the Couples Conflict Summit.  If not, check it out at