Guided Imagery - creating a place of your own

I have been using guided imagery more and more in my practice. I find it is a great way to create a safe place for you to go to when you are stressed and overwhelmed. You can bring a mental image to mind of a place that is calming and peaceful, noting the sounds, smells, tastes, and colors around you. Your body automatically responds as if you are there - breathing slows, heart rate normalizes, and muscle tension releases.

However another great way to use guided imagery is to process your emotions. Often if a person has unresolved conflict with someone with whom they no longer are in relationship with, guided imagery can help them go to that place with a person and tell them what they feel and what they need. And just like in the safe place, your brain responds as if it is actually happening. Resentment can dissapate, fear will no longer be prominent, and sometimes even forgiveness arises.

Effective counseling is about using the tools that help the person. There are many tools and many different styles of therapies. Not all of them are for everyone. But you might be suprised what happens when you do seek out to change your brain - it will change your mood, your heart, your soul and your life. 

Series - Lessons from Infancy - Vulnerability

I wrote a blog discussing vulnerability and connection related to a TED video I had  watched. You can read that here. This blog was rather popular but I think Brown's research is as well. This tells me that it is something we desire, to be vulnerable. I do believe this comes from our innate need for vulnerability in order to survive. If we aren't vulnerable as infants and do not communicate our needs, then chances are higher for neglect. However, what do we need to be vulnerable? Trust and safety. We don't open up ourselves if we feel that we may be attacked. 

Vulnerability has to do with attachment. Research shows that if a mother percieves her infants vulnerability, then she is more likely to respond and build a better attachment with her infant. When a mother is disconnected from the needs of her infant, then the attachment is harder to form. I find that the people who have the easiest time being vulnerable, have the healthiest attachments, meaning that if they are in safe loving relationships, they are more quick to be vulnerable then those in abusive, poor boundary relationships. 

So what does this all mean to you? You were  born with a need to be seen, loved and cared for. You were born vulnerable. There is an innate need to have people in our lives that love us and intuit what our needs are. As adults, we lose sight of this often. We end up having to parent ourselves or look to our partner to be the mother or father we never had. But, that isn't vulnerability. Vulnerability is being honest with what you need and finding people in your life that are safe and healthy and can meet that need. As an infant, you knew this well. When the needs aren't met in infancy, we find that as adults, they don't get met either. We keep turning to people that aren't good for us and end up dissapointed and frustrated. 

There is no greater joy, I would suspect then being vulnerable and it creating more intimacy. Think of how that baby feels when it is hungry and the mother provides milk. The baby relaxes, comforted, and without worry. That is what therapy can be like for some. When we can't find anywhere else to be vulnerable, the therapists' office is the safe harbor to be heard and cared for. Because from vulnerability we do created connection and intimacy. 

Talk to your Gut

I find myself saying this a lot..."what does your gut say?" I say this to myself, friends, family and clients. I would say the majority of the time, we know a lot of the answers to our questions, but we lack confidence or are filled with fear and anxiety. So if you have a big decision to make, here are some quick tips:

• Do you have to have an answer now? Sometimes "wait" can be a good thing, even though it is hard. Just because someone else wants you to hop to it with an answer, if you feel overwhelmed and confused, take a step back and breathe. It is your life. You get to decide how and when you give answers to questions asked of you.
• What is your first instinct say? That is what I mean by follow your gut. In an instance, your heart (your gut) has a reaction to a question or decision that has to be made. Right after that instance it begins to get muddled up with what everyone else has said.
• Don't worry about what others will think about you. Be true to yourself. If you make a decision based solely on what makes other people satisfied, but makes you miserable...you are headed on a path of resentment. That path is no fun!
• Trust yourself. You know you best. You are probably your worst critic as well. Sometimes we lose site of our desires, our intelligence, or our ability to think for ourselves. Start practicing getting to follow your heart and see where it leads you. You might be surprised!

So, at the end of the day, you have to live with your decisions, but I bet that you can make some good decisions. Give your gut a voice!